When Hope Breaks: Healing After Miscarriage and the Loss of Faith
Josephine had always imagined motherhood as a sacred calling. Each time she saw a faint line on a pregnancy test, her heart swelled with hope. Yet, each time, that hope faded too soon. After several miscarriages, each one more devastating than the last, she began to retreat into silence. Well-meaning people tells her that God has a plan. “But how could a loving God let me go through this again and again?” she laments.
For Josephine, her faith had always been her anchor. But now, that very anchor felt like the weight that was pulling her under. She found herself caught between sorrow and guilt, grieving not just the babies she lost, but also the loss of her belief that she was still being watched over.
Her story, though deeply personal, reflects a pain that many silently endure.
The Psychology of Grief After Miscarriage
From a psychological standpoint, miscarriage is not only a medical event. It is a profound emotional and identity loss. Studies have shown that up to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and for many, the grief can mirror or even exceed the distress of other forms of bereavement.
Unlike other forms of loss, miscarriage often lacks societal recognition. There are no funerals, no rituals, and few spaces to openly grieve. This absence of validation can lead to what psychologists call “disenfranchised grief”, that is grief that is not acknowledged or socially supported.
For Josephine, this meant living in a quiet void. Her body had gone through the trauma of pregnancy and loss, yet people around her expected her to “move on.”
From a psychological standpoint, grief after miscarriage can involve symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress, especially for those with multiple losses. Women who have experienced such plight may experience intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and a persistent sense of guilt, wondering if they could have done something differently.
The Silent Burden of Self-Blame
Psychologically, self-blame is one of the most corrosive aspects of miscarriage grief. When something precious is lost without clear reason, the mind seeks control by assigning fault. Cognitive theories of grief explain that this is a defense mechanism. If one can identify a cause, one feels less powerless.
However, this self-blame often deepens emotional suffering. It can lead to maladaptive guilt, a risk factor for depression and anxiety. Therapists working with miscarriage grief often use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help reframe these distorted thoughts, helping clients to see that miscarriage is rarely caused by personal action or inaction. Guided questions a therapist may ask may include, ““what would you say to another woman who went through what you did?” and “Would you blame her?”. With time, individuals going through such maladaptive guilt may start to realise that compassion for themselves is the first step toward healing.
The Spiritual Dimension of Psychological Healing
In the field of trauma psychology, researchers have explored how spiritual struggles—including anger at God or loss of faith—can both intensify and transform grief. Paradoxically, spiritual doubt is not always a sign of moral failing; it can be part of the growth process known as “spiritual reappraisal.”
There are 2 main forms of spiritual reappraisal:
Positive Spiritual Reappraisal
- The person reinterprets the crisis as an opportunity for growth, deeper connection, or transformation.
- Example: “Maybe this loss is helping me learn compassion for others who suffer.”
- This type often leads to post-traumatic growth, resilience, and renewed meaning.
Negative Spiritual Reappraisal
- The person interprets the crisis as punishment, abandonment, or rejection by God.
- Example: “God must be angry with me.”
- This can lead to spiritual struggle, despair, or loss of faith, though it can still be a step toward eventual healing if processed honestly.
When a person’s faith system is shaken, it forces them to re-examine what they truly believe. Psychologically, this process mirrors post-traumatic growth, where an individual reconstructs meaning after profound loss. In this way, questioning God is not a departure from faith, but part of an honest dialogue.
The Faith Perspective: When God Feels Silent
From a faith-based viewpoint, miscarriage confronts believers with some of life’s hardest theological questions: Why does suffering exist? Why are some prayers unanswered? Does God still care?
Faith scholars note that losing faith after tragedy often emerges from a rupture in perceived divine protection. The belief that faith should shield us from pain. But Scripture offers another truth: that faith is not the absence of suffering, but the presence of love within it. This could manifest in different ways with traces of grace in unexpected places. The friend who stayed with her silently, the husband who held her hand at every doctor’s visit, the counselor who listened without judgment. These small acts became the threads of a faith that is less about certainty and more about relationship.
Healing Through the Psychological Lens
Psychological healing from miscarriage is not about forgetting. It is about integration. Healing involves acknowledging the reality of the loss, processing the pain, and finding ways to carry the memory forward meaningfully.
1. Allowing Grief to Be Named
Therapists often encourage individuals to name their loss—to speak of the baby, to write letters, plant a small tree, or even create small rituals of remembrance. Research shows that such acts can help in meaning-making and emotional regulation. In a way saying, “you were here and you mattered.”
2. Engaging in Supportive Dialogue
Joining miscarriage support groups, whether in person or online, can reduce feelings of isolation. Hearing others’ stories validates one’s emotions and normalizes grief responses. In therapy, structured modalities such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can also help individuals learn to coexist with painful emotions rather than avoid them, teaching that grief does not need to be “solved,” only held with compassion.
3. Mind-Body Approaches
Because miscarriage is both a physical and emotional trauma, somatic therapies such as yoga therapy or breathwork can be beneficial. They help release tension stored in the body, reconnecting individuals to their sense of safety.
Healing Through the Faith Lens
From a faith perspective, healing after miscarriage often involves re-imagining one’s relationship with God—not as a distant overseer, but as a silent companion in suffering.
1. Lament as a Sacred Practice
Many of faith are taught to suppress their anger toward God, but Scripture is filled with lamentations. Expressing anger, confusion, or sorrow before God is not rebellion. It is intimacy. It says, “I trust You enough to be honest.”
2. Community and Ritual
Faith communities can offer comfort through shared rituals. Lighting candles, dedicating services, or naming ceremonies for the unborn. These symbolic acts help transform private pain into communal remembrance, reinforcing that no loss is too small for divine compassion.
3. Redefining Faith
Faith need not be unshaken to be real and losing faith does not need to mean losing God, but rather, to realise that even in our silence, He was there. Theologically, this resonates with the idea that God’s faithfulness endures even when ours waver. In other words, our spiritual distance does not sever divine connection. It may simply be part of the process of rediscovery.
While psychology provides tools to process grief and rebuild emotional well-being, faith offers a framework of hope and transcendence. Together, they form a powerful path toward wholeness. Neither approach cancels the other. In fact, both share the same essence, that is, the restoration of meaning and compassion in the face of suffering.
Final Reflection
Grieving the loss of an unborn child shakes the deepest foundations of self and belief. Yet within that breaking lies the possibility of profound transformation. Whether through therapy, faith, or the gentle weaving of both, healing does not mean returning to who we were before, but becoming someone new, shaped by both sorrow and grace.
And perhaps, as Josephine’s story reminds us, even when we lose faith for a season, it does not mean that God has lost us. Sometimes, the silence after the storm is where we hear the whisper of something larger, manifesting in hope, compassion, or simply the courage to begin again.
How AO Psychology Can Help
At AO Psychology, we walk alongside individuals and families navigating the painful terrain of grief and loss. Our approaches integrate both evidence-based therapies and holistic wellness practices to support mind, body, and spirit.
We offer:
- Trauma-focused therapy to help process difficult memories.
- Grief counselling to support meaning-making and emotional healing.
- Somatic approaches (like Somatic EMDR) to release trauma stored in the body.
- Family therapy to strengthen bonds in the wake of collective loss.
- Holistic wellness practices including mindfulness and integrated yoga therapy, to nurture resilience.
If you or someone you know is navigating grief from the loss of a child through miscarriage, know that you do not have to do it alone. Healing is possible, and comfort—whether through psychology, faith, or both—can be found.
💬 Book a Consultation
Take the first step. Contact AO Psychology for a confidential consultation and let us help you find the right intervention to support your mental wellness journey.
